those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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