my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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