I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He shit in the fireplace
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
