i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
