so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
