I was born with a shot glass in my hand
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
