Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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