Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
