he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
