Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
