I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
