We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
