Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
