You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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