Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
