I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
