burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
