get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
