Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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