Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
