Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
