No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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