I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
