Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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