Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
