I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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