The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
