True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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