Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
