this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
