I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
