I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
