I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she looked like the before picture.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize