So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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