i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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