I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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