Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
