can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
