i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
