Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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