What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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