The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize