The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
