Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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