Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
