I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
