i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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