I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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