Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
