She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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