you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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