went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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