filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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