Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She bit a glass in half.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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