so explain again why im purple
no
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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