That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
