The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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