if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
