he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
