absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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