At least make sure they are 18
Why
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The air was thick with penises
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
