I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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