VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
