she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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