I wish I could teleport
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
