Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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