would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
