You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
