I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
