Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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