I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
