I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
