I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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